I don't claim to understand how smashing all this stuff with a kettlebell is supposed to get me in shape, but it sure is fun!
The only thing standing between you and your fortune might be having the balls to charge $108 dollars for a fucking butter dish.
Starting my Leaving Las Vegas-style chicken nugget suicide bender. Thanks for the deal, Mickey D! #imlovingit?
I guess I'm doing ipad dog portraits, if anybody wants one. #MerryChristmas #paper53
Merry David Bowie Dog Christmas from Ohio
Seems like this photography studio was set up to make dogs feel a little more comfortable than cats.
I'm bad with word problems, but I think this criminal's sweatshirt is saying heaven is only two miles away from hell.
This is a picture my friend @diannegallagher took of me doing standup on her TV screen. My set airs again on Wednesday on AXS TV.
Fuck all that Ebola shit! Here's some REAL news for you!
I only like drinking rum on boats, decided me on this boat today.
Nine Dollars. #nyc
I'm about to fly home for 13 hours. Jay Leno and Craig Furgeson are on my plane. Also another man with white hair dressed totally in denim, which is coincidental and suspicious. Anyhow, here's a picture of the tallest building in the world right now. #Dubai
Known as short bearded American. Four-wheeling Texas man. Teller of jokes. Reluctant Traveller. The bald one. Shaker of hands and he who says "excuse me", "please" and "thank you". Paul Muad'Dib Oddo, as the prophecy has foretold. #Dubai #DuneReference
You won't hear this in the news, but today in the Middle East a guy had a pretty good time on a four-wheeler. #Oman
This soda is gross, but overall the Middle East is really pleasant. #Oman
As I've said, Reno kinda sucks, but this hotel gave their conference rooms some hardcore names.